1 year 6 months 2 weeks and 5 days

As the title states 1 year, 6 months, 2 weeks and 5 days after we started this adoption journey, we met our daughter. We did not adopt from Vietnam but domestically. When the VN program closed I was devastated. But I will say, it just took one look into my daughter's eyes to know she was meant to be a part of our family.

Sept 1st is here!

I have not visited this blog for a while. As I pull it up to write the last post on our VN adoption blog, I notice that we started this 1 year 5 months ago. WOW, never in a million years did I think 1.5 years after we started would we back to square 1. Enough about me.

I am not known for my writing skills so it is hard for me to put to words what my thought and feelings are right now. Others do it far better than I. Chandra just posted pretty much what I have been thinking. Go check out what she had to say.

It does seem that VN officials are cracking down on the trafficking by making arrests. Hopefully they are moving in the right direction to making their programs ethical.

So, I expect our dossier to be returned to us sometime in the near future. I does not look like they will allow our dossier to remain in VN waiting for the program to reopen in the future.

New Blog

I am again proving that I am not the brightest bulb in the pack. My mom said that she could not pull up my new blog. So when I got to work and was scratching my head as to why I could not pull it up. I realized I was typing in the wrong address. There is apparently no @ in the address. :) So, here it is Welcome to Our Little World.

I do have some good news for PAPs from our agency. It looks life a handful who are accepting Special Needs children may get their referrals. I will be so happy for them if that is the case. So keep fingers crossed everyone.

Not Pretty Much Over - It Is Over

Shortly after my last post, we received word from our agency saying the adoption is over. Don't know how things will play out w/ LNI b/c they do not have really any program that seems viable to us. I say this b/c I hate losing the investment we have with them. Oh well, we knew the risk going in. Please pray for all the children who now will never be adopted and the PAPs who have had their VN adoption not even being an option any longer.

We will still be moving forward with the domestic adoption. So please keep us in your thoughts and prayers for this next and new phase.

That being said, it seems silly to keep this blog going. I have enjoyed journaling about the adoption and the goings on in our life. I have started a blog on wordpress ( thethomas.wordpress.com ). I will still document our adoption it will just be more of the goings on in the Thomas family. Feel free to stop by if you can.

All those in the VN adoption world - GOOD LUCK.

Goodbye

Our VN adoption is pretty much over

It does not look like we will be adopting from VN. I had held out hope that the gov'ts would allow us to remain logged in and resume the adoption when VN became a Hague country.

Well the word has come down in the last day or so about the fate of our dossier and the dossiers logged in w/o referrals before Sept 1. Basically, the dossier will be returned to us. They are not allowing dossiers to remain logged in. I am actually a bit surprised. I thought we had a really long wait but would be able to see it through in a few years. I have not had the time to ready the entire post but have read snippets of it on VVAI.

What has been reported from the US government as to what is going on over there is very bad. Again, bad seeds ruin it for the whole. The corruption seems to be at all levels. I will grieve the loss of this adoption, but my heart again breaks for the orphans that will remain in VN and in other countries not getting adopted. Money may not be the root of ALL evil, but it is definitely the root of this evil.

I have emailed our agency as to what to do now. We just have to trust that God leads us to our little girl or little boy.

When did I become "Mom"

Those of you who know Joshua will get a kick out of this one. Joshua's verbal skills leave a lot to be desired. Anyway, I am now Mom. When did 4 y/o start saying Mom and not Mommy. If I ask him what my name is, he says Mommy. But when he is calling for me in the house it is "mom." The kid kills me.

Now for some venting. We were planning on sending Joshua to a summer program at a school for kids with speech delays. I have mentioned it before on this blog. This school is a special needs school for kids w/ speech delays of average to above average intelligence. We found it and thought the program sounded perfect for Josh. He is quite smart (doing work of kinder kiddos)but is delayed in speech about 1 1/2 years. That being said, I think he has gained about six months in the past six weeks. He is making great strides. So, yesterday I get a call from the placement person at this school for the summer program. She tells me that she needs to observe Josh to see if he is a good fit for their school. I asked her what her concerns with him were. She said that his speech is too delayed for them. She did not feel he was high enough functioning. They only generally take kids with 1 year speech delay. I could not believe my ears. Kids with only 1 year speech delay do not need a special ed school IMO. I was sooooo angry and I have only gotten angrier today. Needless to say, I do not plan on sending him to that school this summer. I had considered sending him there next year if the summer went well. Whew, just saved myself $20k. We have many fun filled activities planned for him this summer. So no worries.

Not much going on in our neck of the woods

Absolutely nothing new in our Vietnam adoption. There was great news for a family with our agency. Amanda received a referral from Korea of a baby girl. I am very happy for her. Go check out her cute pictures. We are still on the waiting list. I am thinking that we are looking at another 2 years at least before a referral. I hope I am wrong.

As for the adoption on the domestic side, we turned in our application to Catholic Charities. I am waiting to get approval/contract. We have begun putting together our photo album together that will be presented to Birth Mothers. I wrote my "Dear Birth Mother" letter last week. That was the hardest thing I have ever had to write. I feels weird marketing yourself. Never has been a strong point of mine.

I guess I will keep updating what is going on on both fronts. Once I sign a domestic contract, I will probably change the title of the blog to reflect both adoptions.

Plan B

We are starting Plan B but not before I almost said enough is enough.

Let me explain--

We met with Catholic Charities about the foster to adopt and did not walk away super happy. So, I went to a bigger agency to talk about their program and left there disgusted. One of the recruiter started yelling at a potential foster parent. It was totally inappropriate and unprofessional. Catholic Charities did not look so bad. I set up expectations for people (which they usually have no idea about) and if they fall short I am done. I had been calling and emailing the recruiter for the infant adoption program at CC for a couple of weeks to no avail. In my head, I thought I would call one more time and if they did not answer or get back with me that day I was done w/ CC. I call the recruiter and she answers. It was even lunch time - was I trying to sabatoge? We set up a meeting for this past Wednesday. Even with this meeting scheduled, I was really starting to believe that we should do the foster to adopt program. I email the recruiter from that program a list on questions/concerns I wanted answered. She emailed that she would call me the next day. SHE DID. I was a bit shocked. But to my shock and horror, she said the dreaded words. "Christy, you probably want to go just the foster route and not the foster-to-adopt, b/c a judge probably will not pick you because you have a child." The recruiter said we should just foster and hope the child becomes available for adoption. The odds are not as good in this program but not unheard of. If one more person in the adoption world tells me that we won't be chosen b/c we have a child, I will punch them in the face. (Jenn, that was for your benefit.) That is part of the reason we originally chose IA. That was Tuesday night and I was DONE!!!!! I was so aggrivated I told Mitch that I guess we were only meant to have one child and adoption was off of the table. He looked at me like I was a crazy woman and told me I should at least keep the meeting on Wednesday for the infant adoption program.

Wednesday morning I head downtown to Catholic Charities, again. I really had no expectations. I met with the recruiter for the infant program. She was much more agreeable to use the paperwork we put together for VN adoption. We can use or home study :), our background checks :), reference letters :), and physicals :). So I must say this was a very productive meeting. She did not freak out when I told her we were keeping our dossier in VN. I addressed my concern about communication and impressed to her how important it is to me. Since Wed, we have communicated several times w/ questions about our paperwork. I will be bringing Catholic Charities our paperwork next week. So, this weekend we will be writing our "Dear Birthmother" letters and putting together our portfolio. I really do not want to get our hopes up but it is hard not to.

NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS DID I EVER DREAM THAT WE WOULD BE IN THE PROCESS OF TWO ADOPTIONS AT ONE TIME!

VN adoption story from years ago

I was at a client's house yesterday. This is a Vietnamese family that has been in the US about 15 years. As the meeting was pretty much over, they asked how the adoption was progressing. When we began the process, this individual warned me about corruption over there. I at the time assured them that the adoption would be fine. HA HA at my naivety. We I basically gave a thumbnail sketch of what is going on right now and that the adoption most likely will not happen at least for a few years.

Anyway, he told me a story from when they still lived in VN. He grew up in a small providence in Southern VN (not sure which one). One day his uncle and cousins were working in the field. A French Couple pulled their car over and looked over the family. They said they wanted to adopt one of the cousins. And they did! Can you believe that? I know I must have had a shocked look on my face b/c he explained his uncle's rational. He said he did it out of love. He knew the child would have the world at their feet whereas they would have nothing in VN. I can't even fathom making a decision like that. We also talked about the cultural issues with the US going in for the investigations. He said he has seen the US investigate things in VN. They go in with the attitude that the VN are guilty and need to prove innocence. Not the other way around. This family is pro-US, loves living here and will never move back. He was just relating what he observed in the past. Pretty heavy stuff!

Well, the first family from our agency has withdraw their dossier from VN. It is sad but totally understandable. We are going to hold out a bit longer but we shall have to see.

Bluebonents - the Texas state flower

Taking pictures in a bluebonnet field is a must do in my part of Texas. So we made an afternoon of it and here are some good pictures. Josh really did not want his picture taken, but I was able to get a few good ones of him.

Past the one year mark

As I was proofing my post, I noticed our ticker. We have been in the adoption world for 1 year and 3 days. Never in my wildest dreams did I think we would see the ticker start over again. What a ride and still don't know where our journey will take us.

Referrals finally made it to the agency

The LNI long awaited referrals made their way to the families about mid March. I am extremely happy for Kristin and the other family that received their referral. That being said I am also a bit sad. I almost hurts more that we are moving up on the list to just to not have the adoption happen. I also have been getting a bit teary whenever I see a little girl that is Vietnamese. Houston has a large Vietnamese population here so it happens quite a bit. I am a very practical person and never imagined that I would be this emotional invested in a little girl halfway around the world of whom we do not know. I am working through the reality that this adoption may never happen. We do plan on keeping our dossier logged in. When adoption resume in a year or two or three, we will have to see. I hope when that happens it will work out for us.

As I stated in a previous post, we went to Catholic Charities this week for their info meeting. Guess what? A light from heaven did not beam down on the building when we drove up.:) It is actually funny how things can change in 2 years. When we talked to them 2 yrs ago about infant adoption, I knew when we started the process this was our agency. Not so much anymore. I have left several messages for the infant adoption coordinator as well as email. I have received one email from her stating she would love to meet with us anytime and to call her anytime to set it up. That would be ok if she would ever return our phone call. So I am seeing communication will most likely be an issue. We also are looking in their foster to adopt program. That is really what the meeting this week was for. Well, the coordinator for that program does not listen. Every thing they need is what we put together for the dossier. So, in a break I asked her about the paperwork I already had put together and that we already had a homestudy. She pretty much cut me off and told me I would have to start over. I tried to tell her that our homestudy was done by a TX MSW and that it has in it everything that she had been talking about. Would not listen and then freaked out when I said we were going to keep our dossier in VN. I meet with another agency on Monday. We'll see how that goes. So who knows at this point what Plan B will be! Wish I did not need one.

Did I receive my sign? You be the judge

I don't know if I mentioned this in the last post or not? If I did so sorry. Let me start by saying that our agency does not usually allow concurrent adoptions, but with the situation with VN they are allowing them by putting the VN adoption "on hold" for 12 months. I don't know what is magical about 12 months but whatever. As ya'll know, I have those two foster to adopt meetings lined up for next week. I want all ducks in a row when VN gov't says what they are doing.

I have also been asking God to let me know his will for our family. I have asked him for a neon flashing sign as to what to do with the adoption. (I need the neon sign b/c I can be think-headed) Well I may have received it in an email! As the title stated, you be the judge. I know I have some regular readers who do not comment. I would love your opinion.

Let me digress for a bit-------

I emailed Catholic Charities to inquire about their foster program. Catholic Charities was the first agency we talked to right about two years ago. We were in the gathering info stage and talked to them about domestic infant adoption. I absolutely love how they run their program. They only allow approximately 50 families waiting at a time. They have the birth mothers and adoptive families fill out extensive questionaires. When a birth mother is ready to select an adoptive family, the social worker takes her survey and selects 3-4 families who matches hers closely. So when we were ready to begin, I called the social worker and guess what they were full/no longer accepting new Caucasian families. :(:( I have received mailings over the past couple of years getting my hopes up (before we started VN) and when I would call they were recruiting minority families. Like I said, I emailed the social worker to inquire about foster adoption info sessions. I receive an email back letting me know that they are opening up infant adoption to Caucasian families April 1, 2008. They have been closed for almost 2 years.

Isn't that something else? I actually don't want to get too excited b/c I have to meet and get all of the particulars. It would also mean paying for two adoptions at the same time. I need to find that money tree I keep hearing about. The foster to adopt adoptions in TX are free. But I am still excited that Catholic Charities is an option to us again.

So, question of the hour ------- Did I get my neon sign as to what to do?

The email that did not tell me much

We got an update from our agency today about the state of affairs in VN. The problem is that anyone who is following the goings on pretty much knew everything that was said in the email. I guess what I am rambling on about is that our caseworker did not tell us anything specific about what is going on w/ our agency (orphanages they work with, where the referrals are, etc). It is still a waiting game as to what the VN government will do with dossiers logged in when the program closes on Sept 1. We won't make any decisions until we know the definition of "pending adoptions." So more waiting. I am going to 2 info sessions on foster to adopt programs. Wouldn't it be funny if we become a family of 5 in the next year or two. Mitch is already freaking out at the possibility of this.:)

What is going on in our world

I have been patting myself on the back. I have been on Weight Watchers since the first week of Jan. As of yesterday I have lost a total of 20lbs.:):) I am now back to pre-pregnancy weight. Now, I am on the final stretch. I expect these last few pounds will not be as easy to lose.

Still no news from the agency about the expected referrals. It is bordering on ridiculous. I just do not see how, as things are currently going, we will every complete this adoption. It is very frustrating. I just don't know at what point do you cut your losses and move on? I will wait it out at least until we know what will happen after Sept 1.

With this being said, Mitch and I (really just me) have been looking into other options. I have requested info from two Texas agencies that do both infant and foster care adoptions. When we started this journey I would not even talk about foster care adoptions. I already have one special needs child. We started out talking to a few agencies about domestic infant adoptions and these agencies told me that since we had a child and that we were "older" (I am 35 for goodness sake) we would probably have to have a long wait. Which is what had us looking into IA b/c "it was a sure thing." How funny that statement is to me now. Well, I plan on talking to a few more agencies about the state of domestic infant adoption right now and possibly foster care to adoption. When things started getting really uncertain with VN, I prayed that God let us know where our next child was and that I was open to his will.

Josh has been a challenge lately. As frustrated I am with the state of the adoption, I am also a bit relieved that we have not gone to VN yet. All in God's timing right. Josh as he gets older and bigger, we need to get his behaviors in check. I have left several messages w/ the director of the developmental disability clinic (behavior) w/ no calls back. I will call everyday if I have to. Josh's latest behavior is head butting us (mostly me). I thought he knocked out my tooth this week. The thing is I do not believe that he is intending to hurt anyone, b/c he really is a sweet natured child. That is why we need to get into TCH. He used to just be aggressive to me but now he has started to be that way with my mom. I told her she should be honored to be a member of such an elite club.

My baby is not a baby anymore

I had a very sad moment in Kohl's today. Josh is no longer in the toddler section. We are now in the BOYS section.:( :( Not a baby any longer.

20 weeks DTV and still no news

Well our dossier has been in Vietnam for 20 weeks. Still waiting to even see referrals from our agency. I am starting to feel like we are spinning our wheels. I just don't know what we would do.

LNI does not really haven any other programs that jump out at us as a great option. I spoke with my caseworker about options w/i their agency. We spoke about a new program they are just getting rolling in Mexico. Makes sense right, we live in TX and Mexico is our neighbor. Well the kiddos coming form there will be 4y/o+. Right now not an option. LNI is trying to work with other states in MX where the kiddos may be younger but who knows. We also talked about Colombia. That was actually our first choice when we started until we realized it was a three year wait. Well, Mitch and I talked about options and wanted to ask more questions. I today asked my caseworker about our ages (b/c we may be too old to adopt an infant there). He emailed me that he would have to check to see if we could even adopt in Colombia b/c we already have a child. They apparently give preference to families who do not have children. There is always Kazakhstan. I was trying to stay away from the Eastern Block countries. Also, Mitch (with his always rational thought:)) does not want to go there b/c it is too close to the war. This may end up being our only option with LNI.

I have been doing a lot of praying that God show us where our little one is if not in VN. I don't believe it is God's plan that we just have one child. Jennifer believes our little one is in TX. She as of late has told me she just "knows" things.:) We will see where he/she is? In trying to wrap my brain around everything that is going on. I think that maybe Joshua needs our undivided attention for a bit longer. Keep us and our adoption in your prayers. I hope not to go crazy before the end of this journey.

Do you hear the crickets churping?

That is what I feel the adoption world has been like lately. NO NEWS - not from our agency - not in the broader VN adoption world. I find that very stressful. I wish I could take solace in the "no news is good news" adage. Especially when our agency was supposed to have referral no later than Jan 07. Well...... it is the last week of Feb and no referrals.

Look at our time-line. We have been at this adoption thing almost 1 year. I really thought we would be close to traveling now. We are still 23rd waiting for a referral. This ticker may cycle twice.

On a much different note, we had Josh's 4th birthday party last Saturday. We had it at Kindermusik, and I can only describe the look on Joshua's face was one of total joy. I will post pictures of it soon.

Child Traffickers Arrested in VN

I was reading VVAI (I want to publicly thank the women who run that blog for the hard work they put into it.) and this article was mentioned. It is referencing the arrest of four child traffickers. I am glad to see that these individuals were arrested, and the authorities did not just overlook it. It also makes it VERY real that it is going on . I never doubted that it was going on but this is in your face proof of it. I don't know how or if it will affect the agreement between the countries. Yet again, we just wait and see what happens.

It's official --- I am not the brightest bulb in the pack!

I am not brand new to the blog world but have not ventured out past the adoption world (until today).

I really have not gone into much detail about what we have been dealing with in regards to Joshua. I have given glimpses but after all this is our adoption blog not our "the challenges we have with our son" blog. But the adoption is going slowly and our lives go on regardless. I know I have posted before about how premature Josh was. Yes, he is our miracle baby. Well life with a preemie four years later is challenging. No matter what the issues your preemie is facing - there almost always seem to be issues, it is always challenging. I am not talking about kiddos a few weeks early; I am talking about LBW (low birth weight) babies. Reminder, Josh was 1lb 8.8ozs at birth. A few issues we dealt with was on oxygen for 13 months, a grade 2 bi-lateral brain bleed (which resulted in a diagnosis of mild cerebral palsy at 8 months old), eye surgery, hole in his heart and list can go on and on. I must say that he is medically really pretty healthy besides the asthma. One thing we have been dealing with very early on (on top of the developmental delays) are sensory issues. The problem is a lot of preemie issues mirror Autism but usually preemies out grow the issues. Well, my question is at what point should the issues be outgrown by? The doctors seem to think he should be caught up by now. HaHa. I promise I am going somewhere by this ramble. By talking to a blog lurker (yes Christie I am talking about you) at a birthday party today, I think to search blogs of older preemie kiddos. Genius I know. I have found several good blogs that can give me insight as to what we have to look forward to and deal with over the next several years. I probably will start posting more about the issues with the little one b/c it feels good to vent (Jen and Jen are probably tired of hearing my rants/venting). Also, if anyone has insight on issues please comment and maybe what we go through can help others.

So as too the title of the post. Why had I never thought to search other types of blogs? B/c I am not the brightest bulb in the pack. :)