Bluebonents - the Texas state flower

Taking pictures in a bluebonnet field is a must do in my part of Texas. So we made an afternoon of it and here are some good pictures. Josh really did not want his picture taken, but I was able to get a few good ones of him.

Past the one year mark

As I was proofing my post, I noticed our ticker. We have been in the adoption world for 1 year and 3 days. Never in my wildest dreams did I think we would see the ticker start over again. What a ride and still don't know where our journey will take us.

Referrals finally made it to the agency

The LNI long awaited referrals made their way to the families about mid March. I am extremely happy for Kristin and the other family that received their referral. That being said I am also a bit sad. I almost hurts more that we are moving up on the list to just to not have the adoption happen. I also have been getting a bit teary whenever I see a little girl that is Vietnamese. Houston has a large Vietnamese population here so it happens quite a bit. I am a very practical person and never imagined that I would be this emotional invested in a little girl halfway around the world of whom we do not know. I am working through the reality that this adoption may never happen. We do plan on keeping our dossier logged in. When adoption resume in a year or two or three, we will have to see. I hope when that happens it will work out for us.

As I stated in a previous post, we went to Catholic Charities this week for their info meeting. Guess what? A light from heaven did not beam down on the building when we drove up.:) It is actually funny how things can change in 2 years. When we talked to them 2 yrs ago about infant adoption, I knew when we started the process this was our agency. Not so much anymore. I have left several messages for the infant adoption coordinator as well as email. I have received one email from her stating she would love to meet with us anytime and to call her anytime to set it up. That would be ok if she would ever return our phone call. So I am seeing communication will most likely be an issue. We also are looking in their foster to adopt program. That is really what the meeting this week was for. Well, the coordinator for that program does not listen. Every thing they need is what we put together for the dossier. So, in a break I asked her about the paperwork I already had put together and that we already had a homestudy. She pretty much cut me off and told me I would have to start over. I tried to tell her that our homestudy was done by a TX MSW and that it has in it everything that she had been talking about. Would not listen and then freaked out when I said we were going to keep our dossier in VN. I meet with another agency on Monday. We'll see how that goes. So who knows at this point what Plan B will be! Wish I did not need one.

Did I receive my sign? You be the judge

I don't know if I mentioned this in the last post or not? If I did so sorry. Let me start by saying that our agency does not usually allow concurrent adoptions, but with the situation with VN they are allowing them by putting the VN adoption "on hold" for 12 months. I don't know what is magical about 12 months but whatever. As ya'll know, I have those two foster to adopt meetings lined up for next week. I want all ducks in a row when VN gov't says what they are doing.

I have also been asking God to let me know his will for our family. I have asked him for a neon flashing sign as to what to do with the adoption. (I need the neon sign b/c I can be think-headed) Well I may have received it in an email! As the title stated, you be the judge. I know I have some regular readers who do not comment. I would love your opinion.

Let me digress for a bit-------

I emailed Catholic Charities to inquire about their foster program. Catholic Charities was the first agency we talked to right about two years ago. We were in the gathering info stage and talked to them about domestic infant adoption. I absolutely love how they run their program. They only allow approximately 50 families waiting at a time. They have the birth mothers and adoptive families fill out extensive questionaires. When a birth mother is ready to select an adoptive family, the social worker takes her survey and selects 3-4 families who matches hers closely. So when we were ready to begin, I called the social worker and guess what they were full/no longer accepting new Caucasian families. :(:( I have received mailings over the past couple of years getting my hopes up (before we started VN) and when I would call they were recruiting minority families. Like I said, I emailed the social worker to inquire about foster adoption info sessions. I receive an email back letting me know that they are opening up infant adoption to Caucasian families April 1, 2008. They have been closed for almost 2 years.

Isn't that something else? I actually don't want to get too excited b/c I have to meet and get all of the particulars. It would also mean paying for two adoptions at the same time. I need to find that money tree I keep hearing about. The foster to adopt adoptions in TX are free. But I am still excited that Catholic Charities is an option to us again.

So, question of the hour ------- Did I get my neon sign as to what to do?

The email that did not tell me much

We got an update from our agency today about the state of affairs in VN. The problem is that anyone who is following the goings on pretty much knew everything that was said in the email. I guess what I am rambling on about is that our caseworker did not tell us anything specific about what is going on w/ our agency (orphanages they work with, where the referrals are, etc). It is still a waiting game as to what the VN government will do with dossiers logged in when the program closes on Sept 1. We won't make any decisions until we know the definition of "pending adoptions." So more waiting. I am going to 2 info sessions on foster to adopt programs. Wouldn't it be funny if we become a family of 5 in the next year or two. Mitch is already freaking out at the possibility of this.:)

What is going on in our world

I have been patting myself on the back. I have been on Weight Watchers since the first week of Jan. As of yesterday I have lost a total of 20lbs.:):) I am now back to pre-pregnancy weight. Now, I am on the final stretch. I expect these last few pounds will not be as easy to lose.

Still no news from the agency about the expected referrals. It is bordering on ridiculous. I just do not see how, as things are currently going, we will every complete this adoption. It is very frustrating. I just don't know at what point do you cut your losses and move on? I will wait it out at least until we know what will happen after Sept 1.

With this being said, Mitch and I (really just me) have been looking into other options. I have requested info from two Texas agencies that do both infant and foster care adoptions. When we started this journey I would not even talk about foster care adoptions. I already have one special needs child. We started out talking to a few agencies about domestic infant adoptions and these agencies told me that since we had a child and that we were "older" (I am 35 for goodness sake) we would probably have to have a long wait. Which is what had us looking into IA b/c "it was a sure thing." How funny that statement is to me now. Well, I plan on talking to a few more agencies about the state of domestic infant adoption right now and possibly foster care to adoption. When things started getting really uncertain with VN, I prayed that God let us know where our next child was and that I was open to his will.

Josh has been a challenge lately. As frustrated I am with the state of the adoption, I am also a bit relieved that we have not gone to VN yet. All in God's timing right. Josh as he gets older and bigger, we need to get his behaviors in check. I have left several messages w/ the director of the developmental disability clinic (behavior) w/ no calls back. I will call everyday if I have to. Josh's latest behavior is head butting us (mostly me). I thought he knocked out my tooth this week. The thing is I do not believe that he is intending to hurt anyone, b/c he really is a sweet natured child. That is why we need to get into TCH. He used to just be aggressive to me but now he has started to be that way with my mom. I told her she should be honored to be a member of such an elite club.

My baby is not a baby anymore

I had a very sad moment in Kohl's today. Josh is no longer in the toddler section. We are now in the BOYS section.:( :( Not a baby any longer.

20 weeks DTV and still no news

Well our dossier has been in Vietnam for 20 weeks. Still waiting to even see referrals from our agency. I am starting to feel like we are spinning our wheels. I just don't know what we would do.

LNI does not really haven any other programs that jump out at us as a great option. I spoke with my caseworker about options w/i their agency. We spoke about a new program they are just getting rolling in Mexico. Makes sense right, we live in TX and Mexico is our neighbor. Well the kiddos coming form there will be 4y/o+. Right now not an option. LNI is trying to work with other states in MX where the kiddos may be younger but who knows. We also talked about Colombia. That was actually our first choice when we started until we realized it was a three year wait. Well, Mitch and I talked about options and wanted to ask more questions. I today asked my caseworker about our ages (b/c we may be too old to adopt an infant there). He emailed me that he would have to check to see if we could even adopt in Colombia b/c we already have a child. They apparently give preference to families who do not have children. There is always Kazakhstan. I was trying to stay away from the Eastern Block countries. Also, Mitch (with his always rational thought:)) does not want to go there b/c it is too close to the war. This may end up being our only option with LNI.

I have been doing a lot of praying that God show us where our little one is if not in VN. I don't believe it is God's plan that we just have one child. Jennifer believes our little one is in TX. She as of late has told me she just "knows" things.:) We will see where he/she is? In trying to wrap my brain around everything that is going on. I think that maybe Joshua needs our undivided attention for a bit longer. Keep us and our adoption in your prayers. I hope not to go crazy before the end of this journey.